A year ago, I made the mistake of confusing hating Berlin with not wanting to live in a big city anymore, and I moved to a small town. It didn't go well.

At the same time, I declared 2024 to be the Year of Friendship. Those two things combined resulted in one of the worst times of my life. I had never felt more alone than in the first six months of this year.

Fortunately, after accepting that I made an oopsie and needed to rectify the situation, I went ahead and found a new apartment in the city where I spent my most formative years. It felt like coming home.

Which brings us back to my yearly theme: Was 2024 the Year of Friendship?

Absolutely.

The second half of the year was one of my best and most social ever. It surprisingly made 2024 the best year in recent history. Spending the summer, autumn, and winter surrounded by friends compensated for my time in loneliness enough for this year to be considered a success.

This was a triumph.

HUGE SUCCESS.

When the Harry Potter books first came out, I refused to read them. I thought I was too cool to like what everyone else was raving about. I was wrong.

These days, I try to approach popular things with an open mind. I bet meditation will be life-changing for me once I get into the habit. The masses can’t be wrong about that one. If I don’t like it, I must be doing it wrong.

The same was true for working out and practicing gratitude. They changed how I feel and see the world on a daily basis.

Who am I to say that wearing barefoot shoes or reading 50 Shades of Grey isn’t for me? If something resonates with so many people, maybe I should at least be humble enough to acknowledge the possibility that I might like it too.

And what is life about, if not discovering and maximizing the things you truly enjoy?

Despite what society suggests, you're not obligated to stay up-to-date on daily news.

Being in the loop won’t solve your perceived lack of control.

Just because news is available doesn’t mean you must consume it.

Your real responsibility to you and those around you is keeping a clear head and a healthy mind. Don’t let the endless stream of information wear you down.

Society often equates news awareness with caring about issues, but you’re more capable of making an impact if you’re not drowning in despair.

Take care of yourself first.

Then, focus on what you can actually influence.

The only thing you need to grasp is the big-picture flow of events. Don't get lost in ever changing details. Don’t waste your mental health and possible impact scrolling through a relentless flood of noise.

Put your energy into what builds, strengthens, and moves things forward.

Being able to apologize properly is a skill worth honing. At least for those of us who aren’t perfect. It's helpful in almost any situation involving other people, which, it turns out, are most of the important ones.

Since my whole family consisted of people unable to apologize, I could not have been farther away from being able to do so myself. I'm sure I hurt a couple of people on my way to getting better at it.

I had to be proven wrong, repeatedly, to finally accept that I’m fallible.

That I'm not only possibly wrong, but likely.

Years later, I’d look back, realizing I’d misjudged situations I once felt sure about. Each of these moments chipped away at my arrogance, leaving a simple truth: I can and will mess up.

This changed my reaction to criticism. Instead of defending myself, I started considering if it might be valid.

I had to learn to put my ego aside and...

Bids for connection are moments in relationships (no matter what kind) where somebody indirectly asks the other person to share an experience with them. These moments might not seem like much, but when accumulated, they are important for the health of the relationship.

Steven Pinker states that good writing is pointing out:

Pinker suggests approaching writing as if you were pointing something in the environment out to another person – something that she would notice for herself, if only she knew where to look. Imagine directing someone's gaze across a valley, to a specific house on the other side. "You should pretend," writes Pinker, "that you, the writer, see something in the world that's interesting, and that you're directing the attention of your reader to that thing." He calls this the "joint attention" strategy.

It helps me to consider my writing as a bid for connection with the reader. I'm pointing something out, asking for joint attention.

It doesn't have to be an earth-shattering new idea or the most exciting piece of content ever. It's just a small moment that we share.

It’s incredible how much of what the Stoics wrote about 2,000 years ago still applies today.

One sentence, just three words long, has stuck with me the most:

Therefore establish your own guilt as far as you can. Investigate yourself; play the part of the prosecutor, then of the judge, only then of the advocate. Offend yourself sometimes.

Offend yourself sometimes.

My upbringing didn’t involve role models who showed me how to do this, so it took me years to figure out how to achieve it more often than not.

For the longest time, I didn’t really understand what "ego" was or how it could get in my way. I’m not sure when it finally clicked, but at some point, I realized that who I want to be and what my ego tries to accomplish are often two separate things.

My ego makes me defensive. Whether it’s defending me from others or from myself, if it’s something I shouldn’t be shielded from but should confront, this defensiveness blocks my personal growth.

I have to offend myself without taking offense.

I treat relationships, health, and hobbies like projects that demand effort, and whose success is my responsibility.

They become a perpetuum mobile of self-efficacy. The more I invest, the more control I feel over my life. This builds momentum. This flywheel can only be stopped by a lack of kindness toward myself.

To make this work, I see the things important to me as malleable, and I see myself as someone who can shape them.

Since everything, including myself, changes over time, this is a never-ending cycle of improvement. Hoping something will stay the same is a futile fight against entropy.

So I embrace entropy as a fundamental truth and consider everything important to me as a fun project I get to work on.

Making an effort is never wasted.

I pay close attention to the scalability of my actions. This often leads to situations where it seems like I’m acting against my best interests, but I want to make choices my future self will thank me for.

Instead of allowing myself a slow morning after a restless night, I go for a run.

Instead of relaxing on the couch, I'm teaching myself how to code.

Instead of avoiding a difficult conversation, I embrace it.

These things share one important truth: I know that I will feel better once they've happened. These actions are scalable because they optimize for delayed gratification. They anticipate a future that will be better because I welcomed friction.

Nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort.

Once I internalized this way of thinking, it changed how I see myself and those around me. Chasing instant gratification doesn't align with the life I want, and watching others do so isn't something I enjoy.

I want to be, and surround myself with, people who are willing to put in the effort to live a life their future selves will thank them for—people who make scalable, life-affirming choices because they know these actions grow and compound over time, leading to greater, unexpected benefits.

Since I started running in January, I’ve noticed something that, while not incredibly surprising, is still new to me: while I’m running, I feel stronger, more physically capable, and healthier. It’s a reliable way to experience eustress on a scalable level.

What’s more, when my body feels like it’s functioning as it should, the quality of my thinking improves as well.

Physical strength leads to clearer, more optimistic thoughts, and less ego-driven thinking. When I’m not using energy to build up defenses, it’s easier to be more kind, humble, friendly, empathetic, and loving.

In short, feeling physically strong makes it easier to think strong thoughts. Running is a simple, scalable and reproducable way to achieve that.